This story starts on the terrace of the Penthouse where Michael placed me, and is a slow start as it is hard for me to go through what happened. This is a slow post, if you want to jump to summaries, go to the bottom of the post.
It's been two years since I stood on that terrace, a tangle of emotions, he was so far away, and causing so much confusion and uncertainty. Contacting him didn't help, but I didn't know how not to, because I was in an increasing state of distress. He had taken over, he had control, but his ideas and plans changed and evolved rapidly and had no foundation, no grounding, no point of reference and he was unpredictable and said all sorts of strange things but without clarity, and yet I adored and admired him, he was my future and my saviour, so far away in Limerick as I looked over to the Dublin Mountains and my guardian mountain, Three Rock.
Here I am now, in my bedsit in Limerick, surrounded by paperwork for the last week and next, thinking about John as I watch Nanny McPhee, John in my dream last night, being there for me as I moved my things out of the penthouse. John is reminding me it's time to let go, to carry the injury but not the bitterness, because I have too much life and hope now, not to give my life and future up for bad men and their wrongdoing. And Michael and his associates are bad men.
From the terrace of the empty penthouse I can see Three Rock, I watch the late summer sun move round and set to the right of the apartments, the empty penthouse echoes with music. I love my music and every chapter of my life is made up of songs, every person and every scenario. The strongest theme tune from this time is Snow in August.
Snow in August is a from Patrick Doyle's fantastic soundtrack score from the film 'Nanny McPhee'. And there are two versions which I remember from this time, and also another piece/song, which reprises within Snow in August, with a lot of interlinking meanings and emotions. Snow in August is old English music with a great deal of emotion despite no words, it tells of innocence, hope, love, trust and heartbreak, and for me it really tells of the grandeur and echo of that empty apartment and the big apartment blocks and a world that was never really mine.
This is the full-on version which tells a full story of love, trust, gratitude and rescue and looking forward to a happy ending: Snow in August
And then there's the second version, the penthouse in a more melancholic mood, uncertainty and sadness and situations causing bad memories to come back. Where the other version is about Michael, about me, about the future he told me I'd have, and my fear of leaving Dublin and my guardian mountain, this is purely the penthouse and my solitude and melancholic thoughts:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sklYzudgOPU
My words:
'Here in the dark, the music creeps softly,
Through love, anger and fear,
most of all fear,
a future in a balance
fear of moving forward
or letting go,
I am alone with my thoughts,
my fears,
and my tears,
no one to guide me,
for he's never really been here with me'.
Within the music 'Snow in August' is the instrumental reprise of 'Loolaby' - 'Mrs Brown's Lullaby'.
Before I met Michael, and snow in August became the theme, the Lullaby was already given a label and a place in my life, it was already the story of Three Rock Mountain and sadness and being let down. I had lived and worked directly in the shadow of Three Rock and had a tough life as those in poor accommodation and on minimum wage often do.
Lullaby, the same as Snow in August, comes in two forms, the music with the same sadness as the instrumental Snow in August, but the sadness is about Three Rock and before Michael:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0etF1-It9O0
And then the more potent lyrics version. Sometimes we know something, by instinct, we know more than we know, and these are some of the lyrics 'Will you guard, will you keep, will you watch over these, my lambkins, my babies, my sweet precious chickadees'. Here on lifeforce198 blog, I am in Tipperary and I talk about how these lyrics affect me:
https://lifeforce198.blogspot.com/2026/05/tipperary.html
'Snow in August' was Nanny McPhee's sense of humour. Mrs Blatherwick, the cranky cook, was always muttering about Snow in August, 'There'll be snow in August before this family straightens itself out' and 'There'll be snow in August before that girl is there when you need her' and so on. I remember standing on that terrace those two years ago in August and thinking despite the hot weather, that at last there was snow in August for me as there had been for Mr Brown and Evangeline at the end of the film, at last my luck was changing after years of keeping myself clean and safe against all odds in suffering, poverty and dangerous and abusive situations because now for some reason a millionaire property tycoon with 'connections' had taken me under his wing and promised me a future.
Sadly instead, what happened was a catastrophic destruction of my life, from which I have recovered enough to rebuild, to go on, but I carry an immense wound. I was too fragile, too damaged and traumatised already, to survive what Michael did with my life in those few months.
And here is the terrace with Three Rock Mountain lying out in the distance. When I wrote 'Galtymore my Compass' on Castletroy Words, I wrote of abandoning Galtymore and returning to Dublin for visits and Three Rock being my guardian until I returned to Limerick. It is funny how things changed, how life changed. Three Rock is the icon of South Dublin and when I get the bus to Dublin, at Red Cow, Three Rock comes into view and my emotions burst.
I have many many photos of the penthouse and the inside and outside of the apartment blocks.
I didn't need to be told I was worthless by Michael, I'd already been told this enough, and I didn't need my data breached and my head wrecked and my life shattered, I'd already lived through this enough. It remains unclear altogether what he was doing, why he picked me up and intensely tried to pressure me into things and then threw me away, but he did, he broke the law, and he was involved with numerous other vulnerable people, and one reason I didn't heal, apart from it being the last straw, was that I failed to protect the others, couldn't protect them, couldn't stop him, and he poses in the press now without conscience, as if he was a local celebrity.
It's been two years but I still walk through that penthouse crying in despair. I'm writing this so that I no longer walk there. This is a memorial, a letting go, holding onto John's hand as I do. There are things unhealable, the data breach and damage to my records and reputation and the way Michael and his associates behave in Limerick which causes trauma to disrupt my life, but life has gone on. There's so much good in life which I need to hold onto, so I must let go of these bad men and their arrogant showing off in the local press. I must hold onto the good.
Can I tell you about Michael?
https://thestorybehindlifeforce198.blogspot.com/p/can-i-tell-you-about-michael.html
This was what happened when he took me to Limerick and involved his doctor:
https://thestorybehindlifeforce198.blogspot.com/2026/08/limerick-doctor-and-onwards-from-there.html
The evening he was drunk and told me he'd obtained my medical paperwork:
https://thestorybehindlifeforce198.blogspot.com/2026/09/that-bizarre-evening.html
The blog story continues here on Post 3:
https://thestorybehindlifeforce198.blogspot.com/2026/08/part-3-starting-story.html
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